By Caitlin Daday, Swimming World College Intern
One year ago at Bucknell University’s Kinney Natatorium, I suffered the disappointment of coming within 1.4 seconds of the Olympic Trials cut in the 800 freestyle. That failure shut me down, and for the next year I made those 1.4 seconds my sole focus. When I arrived back at Bucknell last weekend, I knew that this race would be the one—it was my last chance, and I was ready. I had worked on so many different aspects of my race both in and out of the pool, and I felt more prepared than ever. I went into the race with the confidence that nothing would prevent me from getting that cut.
At the end of a race like that, I expected the place to be going wild. So it is never a good sign when I swim what feels like the race of my life but only hear a collective gasp followed by silence. Once I turned around I realized why everyone was so quiet. I missed the cut by the tiniest of margins. Now what?
I have written before that failure seems as though your entire world has come crashing down. I can confirm from my experience last weekend that that feeling is real and it’s pretty awful. When I saw 8:50.34 on the board (the cut is 8:49.99), I did not even know how to react. I hung there on the wall, just staring. For probably the first time in my life I had no emotion. Everything I had worked so hard for fell apart in that .35 seconds that I did not have my hand on the wall. How am I supposed to react when my biggest dream had just been crushed? I do not think I will ever forget the feeling, if I even felt anything. I was pretty numb as I walked around taking in all the looks and ‘great races’ from every person on the pool deck.
Photo Courtesy: Villanova Athletics Media Relations
This failure was oddly different though. I was so crushed yet so ready to move on with my life. Obviously it sucked a lot. Instead of booking my ticket to Omaha, all that was left was to return home. At this point, though, there was nothing more I could do about it besides accept it and keep moving forward.
The true test of the weekend then was not one of physical ability, but one of mental strength. I admit, I have not always been someone who deals with disappointment well, especially when it comes to swimming. I tend to put everything into one race or one cut, and when it goes wrong, I have more often than not let it get the best of me.
But I did not want to go down that path again. I finally realized it takes way too much energy to dwell. Frankly it’s exhausting. Anyway, why throw away the rest of the weekend because of one race that was not actually bad?
This past weekend I learned how much easier it is to just face the disappointment head on rather than let it tear me down. I do not mean to say I am not upset–I can assure you I am—but at this point I will not change anything by wondering what if. What if’s get you nowhere. All I can do is focus on what has happened and accept that it has. Acceptance is the only way to get past it, and to get past it is the only way to get better. By moving on, I was able to finish the meet off strong. The best I could do was prove that I could keep going.
The last weekend has also led me to question what really defines greatness. I have been told so many times since last weekend that I had a great race. It felt pretty great to me as well. But what actually makes that swim, or any other swim, great?
In reality labels such as “Olympic Trials” mean nothing in regards to greatness. Yes, with that cut you do get to attend one of the fastest meets in the world and are among the top percentage of swimmers in the country. It is definitely something to strive for. But that does not make my 8:50.34 any less great than someone else’s 8:49.99. I set out to get what I wanted and raced faster than I ever had before. The same goes for the girl who just slid under the cut or any swimmer for that matter.
Photo Courtesy: Peter H. Bick
That is what greatness is. A great swim isn’t great because it meets a cut or gets a certain place. It’s because you worked hard for something and gave everything to go after it. Sometimes you do not always get quite there, but a great race shows how much you want it.
Katie Ledecky’s world records are as great to her as swimming a whole lap without stopping is great to the 5-year-old just learning how to swim. Everyone’s goals are different, but when we each go after our own goal with all our heart we are going to do something great. Last weekend I got up and went fast. I was determined and I raced harder than ever before. That is why it was great.
So when the 800 free comes around in two weeks, you will not find my name in the heat sheets. Though the reality of missing out is hard, I have learned it is not the end of the world. I am ready to set my mind on bigger and better things. It is time to move forward and continue to be great.
Great story….One moment can give greatness for a lifetime.
Good for you!! What a wonderful perspective. Good luck to you in whatever you do next.
Great article! The perspective you have gained is more valuable than any cut you could have achieved. If you chase your next goal with the same determination you are bound to succeed in life.
Sorry you missed. 1.8 seconds? In an 800? You did everything right? Ahem!
She missed by .35
Coach Andy – way to not see the forest for the trees. If that is your response to this story then you’re a pretty bad coach and, imho, an idiot.
Great story. One thing you missed. Show empathy for those that missed cuts all along or didnt have the superstar status you did. Many top swimmers ignore those slower than them who are not qualifying for Jr Olympics or Speedo Sectionals or Jr Nats etc. There are many swimmers who put in just as much effort as you did, that saw a fraction of the success you did.
You are right, that at .35 above the cut, it was an excellent swim, and one you likely learned more from than any other race in your career – because it sounds like you are ready for adulthood now.
The hard work is definately what is great. You will go places with that.
This article is not about swimming. It’s about LIVING. To the author: you may not realize this now, but you won. You have won something more than you would ever find in Omaha. You know now the satisfaction that comes from hard work, achievement, disappointment, acceptance and hope. I congratulate you on your achievement of what I would call The Perfect Swim. You gained so much.
This year has challenged me in ways outside of the pool. Your words spoke to me. I cried when I read them out loud to my family (I’m a mom).
You should be very, very proud to have achieved so much, and to have such a lofty perspective. Many people will spend an entire lifetime dissatisfied — you have really made a mark in your own life and the lives of others. You can expect tremendous joy in your life. Congrats! And thanks! Good luck to you!
Thank you for sharing your story… It’s one a number of swimmers can identify with – especially this week. I shared this with my daughter who lived this moment as you did over the weekend but is younger – she said “this is my story” – I said “yes, it is and you can learn from how she is moving forward.” Your strength, determination, and maturity are exemplary and I hope my daughter can grow to be as such… Congratulations on your victory.. Many great things are around your corner!
I know it has been said before but I really believe it.. true greatness is the character you show when you fail to reach a goal. We all have been there or will be there eventually and so many do not know how to handle these set backs with grace. I am glad that you learned so much. This was inspiring to me.. a reminder to not let these situations define me. My best is more than enough. I agree with what others said that you probably gained more than you would have if you would have succeeded in reaching that time. It is funny how life’s little detours some times work out better than our own plans.
I always and some of my swim mom buds tell our kids , ” You are you and swimming is just part of you : bit the other way around “. Great story !
I have always been amazed at how hard you work, both studies and swimming and what you have
accomplished.!!
Thank you Nana!
I wish that all athletes would read this. I know the pressure of making cuts; my daughters were competitive swimmers. Now my granddaughters are grinding out laps in the pool. I remember one of the races at Nationals where my youngest daughter made consolations in the 200 meter butterfly. That night she swam the best race ever. She beat the winners time, but too late. It didn’t matter. I can still see her satisfaction and I can still feel the pride. Now she has hung up her suits and is one of the best teachers in our are.
I can’t say it better than Kipling:
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
Greatness is complicated: intent, diligence, bravery, talent, and joy all pour into that cocktail. One thing that greatness is not, you’re right Caitlin (and coach Rick), is a number. You might not have had the right number, but you have greatness within you. (Nice article too!)
Thank you for sharing this. My daughter also missed her time trials cut–by 0.00:16. Not knowing what to say or how to react to help her to get over the disappointment was very difficult. Your article helped me to understand some of the feelings she was going through. Happily, she, like you is realizing that all she could do was accept it and keep moving forward.
GreAt article on the inside looking out. There are many factors involved in the training that have a direct effect on the outcome. The little that I know of you is all positive, never would I question the work effort, or desire to be the best. There is no doubt in my mind that you may go faster later this summer in a relaxed atmosphere.
The 2016 Olympic Trials is a Zoo. In most events it’s two people that make the team, get the reward. Some get close, to many get dreams dashed on the wall. The season for most has been shortened . There will still be six weeks of meaningful competition remaining to strive forward and achieve your own personal goals.
I have never been at a loss for words as many have alluded to, I feel you insight into your quest for the best will be rewarded, just maybe a little later.
Chin up, head down, challenge those goals, and never give up.