Halloween: You Know You’re a Swimming Zombie If…
In real life, it is rare to find zombies in swimming pools. They are more commonly found in natural bodies of water such as lakes and ponds. Zombies gravitate to water to cool down and can be frequently found standing on the bottom in a resting state called “zopor”. Zombies that have entered a body of water are referred to as “aquaslogs,” unless they have floated to the surface and then they are known as “puffers.” If you kill a zombie in the water it is known as a “stryke” and those zombie hunters specializing in water kills are known as “strykers.” If you have 100 successful strykes you are known in zombie hunter lingo as being a “Master Stryker.” From the Zombie Cause Dictionary.
On this Halloween, you know you’re a swimming zombie if:
1. The coach says warm up with 5 x 1000 on the 12 min and you’re okay with that.
2. The chorine smell off your skin is so bad it kills flying insects and small mammals.
3. Your hair is so yellow and brittle that they have asked you to be the poster child for bad hair day.
4. You can only fall asleep in a streamlined position.
5. The coach says “come on guys this isn’t that hard” and you believe him.
6. You have begun to enjoy leg cramps.
7. You drink from the pool so you don’t have to waste valuable practice time taking water breaks.
8. When the pool heater breaks you are happy because you know it will allow you to work harder to stay warm.
9. During early morning practices you love to be the first in the water.
10. Hairballs on the bottom of the pool are now having meaningful conversations with you.
Photo courtesy of Doc Lucky Meisenheimer