Freya Anderson: OCD, Therapy And The Path To Finding Happiness And Confidence
It was only when Freya Anderson attended a British Swimming presentation on anxiety, depression and OCD that something clicked.
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The Briton was an acutely-shy child so nervous and lacking in confidence she hid behind her mother, crying and screaming on poolside, when she tried out aged 10 for Hoylake Swimming Club on the Wirral, north-west England.
By 13, she was living with what she now knows to be anxiety while at the same time on a steep trajectory in domestic and international waters.
At 15, Anderson left the 2016 European Junior Championships in Hungary with gold in the 100m freestyle among a five-strong medal haul and was named the British Swimming Emerging Swimmer of the Year.
A year later she became world junior champion in Indianapolis but she was struggling inside, something her mother Helen – who has herself lived with anxiety and depression – recognised.
In 2018, while at Ellesmere College Titans, Anderson had therapy for general anxiety and it was while attending a screening day that Anderson recognised further symptoms she was experiencing, telling Swimming World:
“I was like ‘hold on a minute, this sounds like what I’ve been going through’.”
She was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) in 2019 and moved to the National Centre Bath a year later during the Covid-19 pandemic with the symptoms having eased only to return in 2021.
She said:
“Mine’s the intrusive thoughts and stuff and I have a compulsion to either touch my forehead – like touchwood – or do things with my hands.
“Things pop into your head, these intrusive thoughts that you don’t want to hear: like if I didn’t do this or touch my finger or something, I thought it would come true.
“That’s kind of the basic OCD and then there’d be things like turning on light switches, putting certain amount of ice cubes in my drink – otherwise this bad thing will happen.
“I remember it would happen in the pool when I was swimming. I’ve had times when we were doing underwater sets and this thought pops into my head and goes ‘if you don’t make it all (the way) under water, then this will happen, so and so will happen’ and it’s really draining to have that cycle going on in my head.”
Therapy, Happiness And Falling Back In Love With Swimming
Freya Anderson: Photo Courtesy: Andrea Staccioli / Deepbluemedia / Insidefoto
The nine-time European champion started monthly treatment in early 2021 through British Swimming with psychiatrist Dr Allan Johnston which ended after 15 sessions in May 2022.
Medication has helped as have a range of therapies including cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), exposure therapy and dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT).
She said:
“It’s a very long process but if I think back to where I was before it all started, I feel like a completely different person.
“Right now I feel a lot, lot happier and it’s not consuming me.”
But there was a time when she fell out love with swimming, saying:
“Big time. It was the Olympic year and leading into the Olympics, I hated swimming. I didn’t want to do it anymore.
“Injury and illnesses normally do come around and at the time you think, my swimming’s not going well and I can’t train and that’s it, that’s all you have.
“But then having this therapy, having the psychiatrist helped me realise I’m not just a swimmer.
“I’m a sister, I’m a friend, I’m a daughter, and there’s plenty more things in my life that I am good at so swimming’s not everything.
“That’s kind of what helped me switch – if anything goes wrong with my swimming, it’s not the end of the world.
“But back in 2020 I really did hate swimming – I didn’t want to train, didn’t want to race, but since learning those skills to overcome that thought process, I am enjoying swimming again so much more.”
A case then of not being defined by your results and your happiness subsequently determined by that?
“Definitely. I think it’s still quite hard to get out of that mindset a bit.
“You do put so much effort into swimming and the training around it and when things don’t get your way – or you don’t do how well you thought you could – it’s very frustrating.
“I’ve got to that stage – you can allow yourself a few days of being upset or grumpy or even a few hours.
“But always put it behind you and focus on the next thing: swimming is not everything I guess but it would be wrong if you weren’t upset if you weren’t getting the results because we do put so much time and energy into it.”
Tribute To Two Key Pillars Of Support
Freya Anderson: Photo Courtesy: Speedo
Anderson’s mother Helen has been a lifelong pillar of support – “she just knew, she just got me”.
Bath head coach Dave McNulty has also played a major role, with Freya the person – not the swimmer – his number one concern.
She said:
“He was saying when I came to him he just wanted to get me back to being a happy-go-lucky girl, being confident in myself walking down the street and then that would start transferring into my swimming.
“I think I am at that stage now where I’ve got confident in myself and that I’m happy to start swimming and training fast, if that makes sense.
“Dave has been a massive, massive part of it for me: I say to him all the time I do really appreciate what he’s done to me, if I take a step back and look at it, honestly the amount of support I’ve had from Dave has been insane.
“I don’t think I would be in this position if it wasn’t for him especially because my family are amazing but they are three-and-a-half hours away but Dave is here for anything and everything. I definitely owe a lot to him.”
The Olympic Crown That’s Still An Uncomfortable Fit
Anderson has always been hard on herself and still battles to accept she’s an Olympic champion after swimming the mixed medley heats in Tokyo before Anna Hopkin came in for the final as the British quartet won gold in world-record time.
It is, she feels, a title that was awarded rather than earned.
The 21-year-old has learned not to put a limit on what she can achieve or a cap on her expectations, her confidence boosted by the belief shown in her by the likes of McNulty and British Swimming head coach Bill Furniss.
A demanding schedule from June through to August this year saw Anderson compete at the World Championships, Commonwealth Games and European Championships.
She was locked out of the 200 free podium by one place at worlds before claiming four relay medals with Team England at Birmingham 2022.
On to Rome and the Europeans where Anderson won two individual medals with 200 free silver and bronze in the 100, to leave the Foro Italico with a six-medal haul.
Freya Anderson: Photo Courtesy: MIKE LEWIS / ISL
She holidayed in Lake Garda, Venice and Milan and spent time at home on the Wirral before a few days “tootling around Bath”.
There’ll be no World Short-Course Championships in December but instead the Rotterdam meet and Edinburgh short-course before a big block of winter training.
She hopes there’ll be more education surrounding OCD and that it’s accurately represented, saying:
“There are a lot of misconceptions and when I was in the worst of it it’s awful, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it’s draining, it’s completely different to what is put out there in the media. Trying to understand it would help start some education, I’d say.”
But there’s also a new drive in the pool that comes from being happier in herself which in turn has led to a greater self-belief.
She said:
“There’s just no point in not having confidence in myself – if I am going to put all this physical effort in, I may as well just put the mental power that I have behind it.
“Instead of going against myself, try and use it to my advantage. There’s no point chugging up and down every day and hurting yourself and being knackered, if you’re not going to believe in yourself so I kind of hit the switch.”
Amazing Freya that makes you and your talent even more special when you battle something so overwhelming.
Wow , elite swimming is brutal enough without having to cope with something like this on top. I am a HUGE fan of Freya. She has achieved so much (and yes she earned that Olympic gold) and I hope she finds peace and happiness and enjoys the years to come.