Facing an Identity Crisis: When Swimmer Becomes Swammer
For most swimmers, facing the end of one’s swimming career is terrifying. I know that it was for me.
My time that had once been filled with endless morning practices, weightlifting and dryland, and countless swim meets, was now left…blank. It was daunting to think about how I would ever be able to fill it up again. Even the parts that I thought I disliked suddenly seemed incredibly nostalgic, like the constant smell of chlorine on my skin.
Swimmers arguably undergo some of the toughest physical training of any sport. From double, sometimes triple, practices in one day, to grueling multi-day meets, there is simply no other sport like it. And the mental commitment it takes is also unparalleled.
However, so is the thrill of it. There is no rush like the feeling of out-touching the person next to you. Or, finally getting that cut that you have worked countless hours to achieve. Any swimmer will tell you that their relationship with the sport is always a bittersweet one, but in the end, it is worth the sweat and tears.
So how does a swimmer suddenly cope with the fact that they must say goodbye to a sport they have given so much of themselves to? How do they fit into the world without the parka and goggles and wet hair?
For me, taking some time to be grateful for the sport and all its experiences was the first step in moving on. I started looking back on old photos of myself in age group swimming wearing a sideways cap. I went back through videos of myself swimming relays and laughing with my closest friends. My teammates and coaches had written me letters of encouragement in the past, and I read those, too.
Taking the personal time to reflect on memories, trials, and lessons is key to moving forward.
We swimmers learn so much in and out of the water. From teamwork, to selflessness, to self-motivation, we are trained as much mentally as physically. And, we can use these life lessons after we hang up the suit for the last time. Personally, I was really nervous about who I was going to be without swimming to define me. No longer could I introduce myself as, “Hi, I’m Madison Hoehn, and I’m a swimmer.”
However, I quickly came to realize that the title wasn’t the important part. As hard as it was to come to grips with losing that identity, I suddenly realized that swimming wasn’t leaving me at all. My swimmer’s mentality was still with me, as was the community. My life-long friends, coaches, and mentors weren’t going anywhere either.
Staying in touch with your swimming community is also very helpful when facing a swammer identity crisis.
There is no other family like the swimming world. There is endless support and understanding among us athletes and coaches, and this doesn’t suddenly disappear the day that you finally become a “swammer.” So, holding on to this community even after you find a job or head into college is key to staying in touch with yourself as well.
In the end, although the title of “swimmer” may change, the mentality and the community of being one does not. I have realized that my fifteen years of commitment to this sport have shaped me in ways that cannot be undone by simply being retired. And whether you have also swam 15 years, or only a few, swimming will always be a part of you too.
All commentaries are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Swimming World Magazine nor its staff.