By Brianna Hines, Swimming World College Intern
Devastating News
On January 2, 2015 at 5:20 p.m. I received a phone call from a close friend and former teammate. I was in Fort Lauderdale, enjoying my first ever college training trip, and while the air was 80 degrees and humid, the sound of choked tears and fragmented sentences on the other end of the phone turned my skin ice cold. I was informed that one of my teammates, Jake Miller, had committed suicide.
I immediately sunk to the concrete, my legs weakened with her words, my vision blurring from tears. In shock, I screamed loudly, until my throat was fire. The rest of the night was spent sitting, staring into space, trying to digest the news like a rock in my stomach. The rest of my time was spent on the phone, trying to reach the voices of all of my other brokenhearted friends and teammates.
I had to cut the training trip short. Unbearable, is the only word I can use to describe the hours I spent before I made it back to Illinois in the arms of my team. Nothing seemed real; it was a nightmare I couldn’t escape. Even now, it seems impossible that the Jake I knew is gone forever.
Where It All Began
When I first met Jake Miller, I was a sassy, spunky 8-year-old who knew she was good at swimming. Jake strolled into the pool, tall and skinny, with a jammer that was too big for him. I couldn’t help but giggle with my friends about the new kid whose suit was exposing his “credit card swipe” during dives. It was cruel of me, but Jake was a good sport. Less than a week later, he became one of my closest friends.
We kicked together during practice, and challenged each other to do harder intervals with the older kids. At meets he entertained with card games, shared his goldfish, and always gave me an ear bud so we could rock out together before races. We even managed to have matching Hello Kitty towels. Even though it was bright pink, accessorized with a hood and ears; he always seemed to pull it off better than I could.
At practice he made tedious sets fun, but always encouraged me to race just a little bit harder. After rough days, I looked to Jake for a hug. His hugs were better than most as his arms, like the wingspan of an eagle, could wrap around me twice. He supported me outside of the pool too, attending my all-girl birthday parties, and showing up to my dance recitals with flowers in his hand. He was more than a teammate or friend; he was my brother.
Jake’s fun-loving, lively spirit not only brought together our age group, but connected us to the whole team. The young tots looked up to him and the older kids were inspired by his determination to keep up with them. With Jake around, the Redbird Swim Club became a family.
“Jake had an infectious personality and irreplaceable spirit that spread throughout the team. He had an impeccable ability to make someone laugh; the utmost compassion towards others. He was the little brother I never had,” says former teammate Danielle Ludwig.
King
As we got older, Jake became a superstar. He was a man by the time he was 15, 6’3 with a full beard. His looks were as intimidating as his swims. His races were outstanding to watch. He never lost; in fact, it seemed as though it would have been harder for him to lose than to win. And even with the title of four-time high school state champion, he was humble to his opponents, making him a winner you just couldn’t hate. We didn’t have official captains of our club team, but it fell gracefully into Jake’s hands and he took the job with ease. The entire team looked up to him.
“We all looked to Jake for strength. Not only was he a role model in the way he performed at practice, but also in the way he treated everyone. It’s come up often that he was the ‘father’ of Redbirds and I think that’s really true. I think it makes things difficult now because its impossible not to miss someone that had the presence and personality that he did,” says Wagner College sophomore and former Redbird teammate Kirsty Hessing.
Jake kept the perfect balance of focused hard work and fun. Although sometimes mischievous, Jake always had a big heart.
“Jake was a leader. If people were bullying someone, he would tell them to stop and they would stop. He could get anyone to do anything– they might not have always been the best ideas, but something about his gap-tooth smile and his silly afro made you want to race and do running dives into the pool,” says University of Hawaii sophomore and former teammate Kira Webster.
The effect Jake had was visible to the entire state of Illinois. He had friends from every club team around the state. His height made him easily visible on deck at swim meets, but it was the way he carried himself that truly shined.
“Jake was the type of kid that if you had a bad day he would’ve gone out of his way to cheer you up. It doesn’t matter if you knew him or not, he was just that type of guy. Once that kid walked into the room, it’s like the whole atmosphere changed, he could make anyone smile,” says Eastern Illinois sophomore and former Redbird teammate Steven Fishman.
Mourning A Fallen Hero
On the day of Jake’s wake, a recorded 1,000 visitors came to pay their condolences and help the Miller family celebrate Jake’s precious life. Swimmers all around the state came to pay their respects. In the crowd of restless legs and broken hearts, the Redbird Swim Club sat, hand in hand, with bowed heads in the loss of a brother. At the closing of the wake, our head coach John Almeida brought the team together to do a cheer for Jake.
“1,2,3 Jake!”
“1,2,3 Jake!”
“1,2,3 Jake!”
And on the last count, we all spread our arms like wings to fly. Jake would have loved it.
Family Flock Forever
“I can honestly say I would not be the person I am today without Redbird Swim Club. We weren’t just a swim team; we were family. I am forever grateful for the memories I have that will last a lifetime, and I think that is the greatest gift you could ever give somebody,” says Ludwig.
“One of the things that has really stuck out to me this year about Redbird is how close we were compared to other club teams. No one else seems to come from the same family dynamic as we do. We really are all brothers and sisters. We fight, we love, we laugh,” says Hessing.
The Redbirds truly were and are a family. Jake created a lot of that culture, and though a brother was lost, he inspired the perfect support system. His legacy holds compassion and love, inspiring the team to carry on.
“He gave us so much and touched us in so many ways. What he brought to this team will truly last forever,” says Coach Almeida.
Today, August 21, would be Jake’s 19th birthday. Happy Birthday, Jake. We loved you infinitely. We will always love you infinitely.
Great article! I wish I had known Jake!
He inspired the best in all of us. Thank you so much for this article.
Bri… Thank you for such a wonderful tribute to Jake. You captured the spirit
And essence of Jake so beautifully. You made me cry bringing back suck great memories.
Jeff Skeels
Such a beautifully written article. Thank you for sharing this. 🙂
You were a good friend, Lauren.