By Jacob Kittilstad
MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota, June 15. Guided by her physical therapist, Mallory Weggemann entered the 95-degree water of a rehabilitation pool in an attempt to regain control of her legs. The last time she had been in the water she was training with Eagan High School's women's swim team in Minnesota. She had always completed every practice with a strong kick behind her.
Her former strength was no longer at her disposal.
"When I got into that pool I was in tears because I couldn't do anything," Weggemann said. "Before, I was swimming laps and diving off the blocks but then I couldn't even stand in the water. My knees just collapsed from under me."
Weggemann has come a long way since her first experimentation in the water in 2008. In fact, Weggemann recently broke a Paralympic American record in the 100 fly. But Weggemann said her transitions into the paraplegic and Paralympian lifestyles have been very gradual.
"In the January of my senior year of high school, I started having severe back pain," Weggemann said. "No one knew what to do and they had me so drugged-up because, if I wasn't, I had really sharp, stabbing pain in my lower back."
It was decided Weggemann would be given a series of three epidurals. The hope was the procedures would deaden her nerve endings, thus, she would no longer feel the pain, Weggemann said.
"January of 2008 is when it happened," Weggemann said. "I walked in for an epidural and I never walked out."
For Weggemann, it was a slow process coming to accept her paralysis because both her and doctors tried to be optimistic that mobility would return to her legs, Weggemann said.
"It didn't really hit me right away. It was always ‘Give it a few days' then ‘Give it a week' then ‘Give it a few weeks.' It wasn't until about the third week that they told me I would need to learn how to use a wheelchair on a more permanent basis," Weggemann said.
She was diagnosed as an incomplete paraplegic, paralyzed from her L4-L5 vertebrae down, Weggemann said.
"When it happened there was a lot of ‘why me?'s. That was the big question I would always ask myself," Weggemann said. "It didn't seem real. It felt like I was in a fog."
Weggemann's family experienced similar emotions. Mallory's father, Chris, an avid distance runner and mountain climber, was planning a trip to Western China just before the events surrounding his daughter transpired.
"I had no interest in going after Mallory was hurt. I had no interest in running after it happened. I don't want to say it was guilt, but the fact was my legs worked and hers didn't," Chris Weggemann said. "I wasn't running for at least six months after, and now I'm just starting again but I still struggle with it."
Mallory's mother, Ann, said it was very hard on her as well because, as a nurse, she often understood the medical side of Mallory's journey better than the others in the family.
"It was very difficult. My emotions kept fluctuating between shock, anger and disbelief," Ann said.
After seven weeks of intensive physical and occupational therapy, Mallory returned home from patient rehabilitation and described how she felt as "really down in the dumps."
"After it happened I was very stubborn because, during rehab, I had a list of things I was not going to do again until I was able to walk again," Weggemann said. "When I realized I was going to have to be in my wheelchair…obviously, that was hard."
It would be months before Weggemann regained focus in her life. A focus, Weggemann said, that would be provided by swimming.
An Outlet After Adversity
Surrounded by her father, some swimmer friends from high school and a new coach, Mallory Weggemann cautiously entered the racing pool at the University of Minnesota not knowing if she would be able to keep her unmoving legs afloat while pulling herself through the water.
Roxane Akradi, who was watching the event, said she clearly remembers the moment.
"I remember Mallory's dad telling me ‘if she sinks, you're jumping in to get her.' He was joking but serious at the same time because none of us knew what was going to happen," Akradi said.
Then she started swimming and, as her father put it, "She just took off."
"Mallory's paralysis is one of the first things I think about when I wake up in the morning and one of the last things I think about before I go to bed," Chris said. "But seeing her swimming, in watching her, there's a sense of freedom…her movement isn't restricted by the fact that her legs don't work. I still love watching her practice to this day."
Jim Andersen, head coach of the Twin Cities Swim Team, said he believes both Mallory and her family were looking for "an outlet after all of the adversity Mallory had gone through."
"Truthfully, I believe the spark that made Mallory start swimming again was when she came to watch Olympic Trials," Andersen said.
Weggemann attended the 2008 Paralympic Trials on a whim after one of her older sisters read about the meet in a profile of future Paralympic superstar, Melissa Stockwell, Weggemann said.
"I ended up talking to a lot of parents and somehow I wound up on deck arranging a meeting with Jim [Andersen]," Weggemann said.
After Weggemann's first practice with TWIN, she began a training routine that added a much needed structure and focus to her life, Weggemann said.
"It might sound stupid but I think the swimming is completely what changed everything for me. It changed my mindset on it all," Weggemann said. "I had started telling myself ‘I'm in a wheelchair, so I won't be able to do certain things.' But, after I started swimming I thought to myself ‘That's dumb, I can do what I'd like to do no matter my situation.'"
Andersen said he believes disabled athletes, like Weggemann, are oftentimes more focused than able-bodied athletes because they already have had to overcome adversity in their lives. Therefore, by choosing to commit to a sport, they dedicate themselves fully and whole-heartedly to their aspirations. He does concede, however, that Weggemann has required the occasional push despite her fierce self-motivation.
"At first, she didn't want to start off the blocks and I had to flat-out tell her ‘You're going off the blocks".' Once she did it, she was fine and she's being doing it ever since," Andersen said.
Andersen said that Weggemann has done a remarkable job of maintaining her enthusiasm and drive for the sport since he began coaching her. He admits that because he modifies practice so infrequently for Mallory, he sometimes forgets she is disabled.
"Every once in a while, I'll be watching her race and I'll think ‘God, she has to kick more.' Of course, then I remember," Andersen said.
Apart from her lack of kicking, Weggemann said there are numerous technique challenges she must overcome to make her swimming both fast and efficient.
"My stroke is, of course, all upper body but my core strength is also incredibly important because I use it to help stabilize my legs and keep them up in the water," Weggemann said.
Andersen said, like any swimmer, Weggemann has her strong points and her weaknesses.
"A lot of the time if she's racing and she wants to go faster, she'll shorten her stroke because she can't kick to help lengthen it out," said Andersen. "It's something that we have to work on like we would work on something with any other swimmer."
Ann said it was comforting for the entire family when Mallory returned to a sport that had a built-in network of coaches and families who already knew her youngest daughter.
"Mallory and her sisters swam in high school for 11 consecutive years and we laughed when Mallory began swimming again. It was like ‘here we go again, back at the pool,'" Ann joked.
And for Mallory, she said getting involved with the Paralympics has opened her eyes to what resources are available for people with disabilities.
"I love everything I'm doing. I would love to get up and walk again but this is a whole new world for me. When I started swimming, I realized there's a lot more that I could do. When I made the [U.S. Paralympics Women's Swimming National] team, I realized that there was a whole lot more I could do…," said Weggemann, "…and as I've seen more of what the Paralympics is and seen the kind of opportunities that are out there for disabled people, it made me realize that there's nothing I can't do."
Life Through a Different Lens
Weggemann said because the drastic changes in her lifestyle are now happening so quickly, it is difficult for her to fully grasp her achievements.
"I would've never thought I was going to break an American record," Weggemann said. "I told Jim [Andersen] after my 100 fly that it just doesn't seem real."
Weggemann said she is currently training to qualify for the Paralympic swimming World Cup team. In addition, she has applied to join the residential Paralympic swim team the conditions being that, if she is accepted, she will be able to live and train at the Colorado Springs Olympic Training Center.
Looking to the future, the next American record she hopes to break in the 400 freestyle, Weggemann said.
"I'm 10 seconds away right now and, to a lot of people, that seems like a really far way off," Weggemann said. "But I'm keeping in mind that I dropped 30 seconds in Portland at Can-Ams so it's pretty realistic."
However, Weggemann's main goal is somewhat more ambitious.
"I want the podium in 2012. I want to bring home a gold medal. I want to hear our national anthem. That's what I want and that's what I'm going to train for," Weggemann said.
Tucker Dupree, one of Weggemann's teammates on the U.S. Paralympic Swimming National Team, said he is confident Weggemann will be able to achieve any goal she sets for herself.
"Gold in 2012? Definitely. For sure. She's such a determined person that it's extremely reasonable," Dupree said. "I think a lot of people know what she's able to accomplish and, in the end, I think the person she'll end up surprising the most with her abilities is herself."
Jimi Flowers, head coach of the U.S. Paralympic Swimming Team, said he is looking forward to see how Weggemann progresses as time goes on.
"We watched how much faster she got in Oregon and she's definitely one that we hope will continue swimming with us well into the future," Flowers said. "I'm hopeful she'll be successful because she's very well liked on the team and she has a very strong family support system."
Weggemann's father said he is so proud of what his daughter has already accomplished, and although it is tremendously unfortunate what happened to Mallory, there is, what his wife describes as, "a silver lining in the clouds".
"Because of what happened, she's able to view her life through a different lens. It's given her a different perspective on life and that's allowed her to mature far beyond her 20 years," Chris said. "From everything that happened to where she is now…thinking about the inspiration will take a grown man and put tears in his eyes."
